Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
