it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
