I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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