im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm both gender and math confused
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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