All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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