Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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