Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
