U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
