I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
