My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
