Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
