you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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