I got chris browned last night
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
