So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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