How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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