This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
