Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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