I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
