white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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