I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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