yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
