sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
