Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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