you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
