i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
