Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
