He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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