So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize