distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
