You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
