apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
