I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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