is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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