she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
