what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
