After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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