1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
