Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
