all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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