guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
