I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
