in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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