i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The adults are the big ones right?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
