oh god the rape fog is back!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
