epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
