took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
