why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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