How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
vagina is talking i cant
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
