hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
