I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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