I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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