my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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