i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Can I color on your dick again?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
