You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
