dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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