Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
