I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
