my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
