What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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