we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
