I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
