now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
