Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
