There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
