The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
