Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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