hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
