I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize