The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He shit in the fireplace
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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