Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
