I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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