What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize