You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
home. puking in laundry basket.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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